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Ol’ McDonald Had a Quirk


This season on American Idol has been really good and kind of difficult. There is a breadth of talent like no other season has had. I don’t think the touring 10 (the ones that “get” to hit 60 cities in 30 days, that is) has ever been so collectively good. There’s no Kelly Clarkson this year. There are no standouts; Paul stands out for wardrobe choices, there there isn’t any one, clear favorite.

My advice to Paul (since he’s asking) is to put a record out tomorrow and get it on the shelves as quickly as possible before your target audience of under-sexed Southwestern grocery store clerks forgets about your raspy voice and pearly whites. You, sir, were likely the best showman of the bunch, but admittedly, had the least vocal chops. Do this pronto, because it won’t be long before your slumming Nashville bars, Branson stages, and artsy coffee shops.

The one that might garner the largest support because of his mid-american appeal may be the least likely winner on the Cowell-scale. The Frankensteinian creation to whom I refer, of course, is the guy who would be the likely product if Josh Turner and Alfed E. Newman had an offspring.

This guy, too, is quirky. Not because of any Nudie Suits (look it up), but because this guy is a total dichotomy. He’s kind of cool, and totally geeky at the same time. He has a cheesy sort of genuineity (yes, I’m making up words now) that plays well in Poughkeepsie and Plano, TX. The dude has some serious docile pipes, the kind 3-boxes-a-day of filter-less Camels couldn’t breed. Hearing that voice come out of that floppy-eared head is the same sort of visual – auditory incongruity you get when you see a muscle bound, face-tatted Mike Tyson squeak like a chew toy.

We’ve got a rocker, a crooner, a hipster, a soul daddy, a country bell, a cabaret singer and Stefano left. It sounds like the bridge to a punchline, but if you ask me, it’s a pretty great season of Idol. Despite the fact that watching American Idol isn’t supposed to be cool, this season is exactly that.

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