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Hit & Run

10/21/2010

James Harrison is a hard-hitting NFL football player… or maybe, was…  The Steelers linebacker has threatened to retire from the game after a recent in-game head-to-head contact hit that resulted in a $75,000 fine.  The “receiver” of the hit got a concussion.  In a terrible turn of irony, the two were teammates at Kent State.  Harrison was so upset with the fine — and the NFL’s stricter enforcement of dangerous hits — that he said he was weighing retirement.

ESPN has audio of him saying that he can’t play like that, then he won’t play at all.  To make matters worse, he was excused from the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Wednesday’s practice session after meeting with coach Mike Tomlin who thought he “needed time to cool off.”
I think we all know that Tomlin gave him the respite to assemble his résumé.

this is how it might read if Harrison were actually literate:


While his résumé is impressive, I’m not bullish on his chances in “corporate America,” especially if he can’t embrace the rules set forth by the “company” lets you:

a) work half the year
b) smack your co-workers on the ass without fear of a harassment suit
c) work 1 day a week, and practice 4-hours a day on the other days, all while being outside
d) have a seven-figure salary with a double digit IQ and a three didgit SAT score.

I can imagine his “Oh, hell no” reaction on his first day when they tell him he has to be in by 8:00 a.m.    Mr. Harrison.  I’ll tell you like the guys at the Improv told me… Keep your day job.



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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Ivy Rerko permalink
    10/23/2010 4:33 pm

    Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh………….Im so sick of these whiny-ass, titty-baby, spoiled good for nothing athletes who seem to think that they are God’s gift to armchair quarterbacks everywhere…..let them secure a REAL JOB on a REAL MAN’S wages……..Mr. Harrison should be thanking his lucky stars that he has gotten the opportunity to earn a shit ton of money while doing something that he is passionate about and talented at.

    Here is a novel idea for Mr. Steelers Linebacker “have some more whine with your cheese” James Harrison: take your unimpressive career resume and apply for a real job at the ACME Crash Test Dummy Company Inc…..who knows, a position as one of their testing supervisors may await you…..that way you could inflict as much whoop ass your 250+ lb frame could endure on an endless amount of unsuspecting candidates…….all the while, keeping what’s left of your gray matter intact so you too, can continue to live off your name and by-gone career as a guest sports anchor or better yet, as an endorser of men’s bikini briefs or the newest erectile dysfuntion drug out on the market…….

    Go, on big boy….keep those hits a-coming! Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

  2. steve permalink
    10/31/2010 8:23 am

    Nice Steve, I agree totally.

  3. Vodka and Ground Beef permalink
    11/01/2010 9:50 am

    We need a new girls’ cross-country coach . . . this guy would be perfect. He’d make it a contact sport.

  4. Rick permalink
    11/17/2010 11:00 am

    He can become an office linebacker like terry tate!

  5. Rick permalink
    11/17/2010 11:00 am

    He can become an office linebacker like terry tate!

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6238953685626218421#

  6. 11/17/2010 11:21 am

    He’d never make it… companies employ sensitivity counselors now.

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