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Should You Choose to Forgo Your Dignity…

07/20/2010

[Bachelorette Spoiler enclosed below]

Don’t you just love it when they get to the part in The Bachelor/The Bachelorette where they go through the whole charade when the final couples get the Chris Harrison card?:

“should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, you can spend the night as a couple in the fantasy suite.”

Both parties always try to look surprised, but instead of the the post production piano sonatas, they might as well cue a 70s-porno track, because we all know what’s goin’ down in The Fantasy Suite. 

So forgive me Ali for being nonplussed when you hate a guy and think that he’s “selfish” for having “unresolved feelings” for an ex-girlfriend when you plausibly just got two Tahitian lays from two separate dudes on consecutive nights.  Presumably, on this 15 week “quest for love” you’ve been chaste, so I’m imagining that Frank did your lady business a favor giving it the night off.  If your vagina had a monologue, it would be a thank you speech to the Chicago-based contestant.

I just think it’s hell of ironic that Ali, ABCs Monday Night Flufball, “can’t believe” that a guy would leave the show for love… didn’t she leave bail on Bachelor Jake for a job (invading our privacy) at Facebook?  It doesn’t matter that bailing on the pilot may have been her wisest decision to date (and it was).  Oh, and by the way, weren’t you the one who was just dating 25 guys?  The hypocrisy is so ripe, it’s falling off the tree.  So if you ask me, irony’s a bitch… and so is Ali.  Well, not really, but she’s definitely a is guilty of double speak when she accuses Frank of two-timing.

I do feel guilty as I write this because when Frank came clean, Ali was visibly stirred.  It got as real as reality TV gets to see what would be their final, bitter-sweet embrace.

Enough with the affectivity.  Nearly two months ago, I wrote of Roberto “Ali almost bedded the dude when he got out of the limo.”  Well, he got the “first impression rose,” he’s in the final two, and he’s my pick to take down the final flower.  But he’s in Charlotte selling insurance, and she’s in LA now, presumably to become an actress (read:  star-fornicating), so here’s my last prediction for the girl next door and her poblano pepper; They will not last.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. 07/20/2010 8:13 am

    My vagina has a monologue. Actually it is more of a mini-series at this point.

    I will never get over that you watch this show and I DON’T. But I love to read your take on it…
    These people are all idiots, tramps and hypocrites. People should stop watching and giving them their 15 minutes of fame.

  2. 07/20/2010 9:07 am

    Yes, it’s pretty embarrassing. The fact that I watch said idiots and tramps; even more so that I found a touching moment when Ali and Frank parted ways. While I can’t recommend the show, I can tell you it is compelling television for the most part. And I’m married. Somehow, I don’t think I’d be sitting around watching it by myself… Unless they did an HBO version with actual VJ monologues.

  3. Jenelyn Russo permalink
    07/20/2010 10:23 am

    Wow, this post had all kinds of awesome take-away quotes. She worked for Facebook? That’s rich. I hear she’s single, so you’re probably right; she and her “poblano pepper” most likely didn’t make it. Frank may be the winner here.

    • 07/20/2010 5:24 pm

      Are you sure the Facebook ex-patriot’s relationship status isn’t “it’s complicated?” Yeah, she looked like she took to the city pretty well, and when the limos aren’t showing up, and helicopters whisking her away, that’s when the reality sets in. Having said that, she seems like a pretty solid girl…

      • Jenelyn Russo permalink
        07/20/2010 5:34 pm

        Yeah, I’m sure it’s “complicated”. Funny thing is, the dating method they use makes it more complicated than it needs to be. Crazy show.

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