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The New Bachelor(ette)

06/29/2010

Rhonda said I could go on the bachelorette if it would help my career.  I can see it now: “Allie, I don’t ever want you to be alone,  (then, to camera) speaking of a loan, did you know that now is a great time to refinance?  Rates are at 30-year lows.  Call Steve at…”

Why would my wife voluntarily forsake me?  Well, I could enumerate the reasons, but for brevity, I’ll defer to last night’s  episode “The Bachelorette.”   Turns out “Rated R,” the professional wrestler, came on the show with a girlfriend at home.  He assured his Canuck squeeze that he was doing it all for his career… A career as a Canadian professional wrestler.  A career I cannot evidence on Google.  Perhaps, they don’t have the internet up in the Great White North, eh hoser?

Throughout the taping, Justin “Rated-R” Rego was secretly communicating back to whatever Canadian province from which he hails.  That was all well and good, until the other woman found out he had yet another woman.  She blew the whistle, and called the show producers.  Within minutes of the on-camera confrontation, the wrestler tapped out.

About me going on The Bachelorette, it’s an interesting proposition.  Of course, I’d have to lose 50 lbs., and rearrange 20 more, and become taller and more successful… and it might help if I weren’t already married.

Perhaps I unraveled my wife’s ulterior motive. It’s her way of trying to get me back in shape, both physically and fiscally (BTW, I’m not even sure if I can say “back in shape” as long as I have been out-of shape).

I’d also have to misplace my self-respect.  I’ve never seen so many dudes complain over living in a mansion, drinking beer, hanging out and going on pre-paid dates.  It’s pretty unsettling to see Craig complain that “the wrestler is here for the wrong reason” (though, he was), or Frank get all boo-hoo over face time with Allie.  (By the way, I’ve got it on good authority, that Frank goes wack-job on next week’s installment).

So my dreams of the Bachelor/Bachelorette have officially gone the way of the wrestler.  My last, best reality TV hope is for Last Comic Standing (post here), but if I wanted someone to repeatedly tell me that I’m not funny, I’d just stay home on the couch and listen to my wife.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Rebecca Bush permalink
    06/29/2010 8:51 pm

    Alas…If only Vienna had shown her true colors before now….So Tacky….We watch out of morbid curiosity…….Hell’s Kitchen is a joke, Top Chef is the Real-Deal.

    • 06/29/2010 8:55 pm

      Aunt Bex, I could not agree with you more. Top Chef is the creme-de-la-creme, or however those Frenchies spell it. Do you watch the show that follows, “the Next Great Artist?”. That’s good TV too.

  2. Carolyn permalink
    06/30/2010 9:11 am

    Guess you’ve forced me to begin watching that dumb show.
    For the comedy. Not theirs- yours!!

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