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8 Sure-Fire Ways to Make Me Hate You

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…on Facebook.  

I love Facebook.  It’s been a wonderful outlet for me and a great respite for my wife… she no longer has to endure  my every inner thought.  There are things I hate about the forum and other’s use there of, and these are those potatoes:

1. Tell me what you had for lunch… unless it is wittily wrapped in some clever little anecdote, I don’t care if you “had the Subway veggie sandie!”

2. Tell me that if “I YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL WIFE, POST THIS TO YOUR STATUS FOR AT LEAST 1 HOUR.”  Support is great.  Start a dialog, be original.  Don’t tell me what to post (though the soldier post yesterday was pretty cool).

3. Cryptic posts “Suzie is miffed” = Suzie is blocked.

4. I don’t want to hear how bad your life is ALL THE TIME.  We all have our bad days, but if you are sick 28 out of 30 days, see a doctor.  Perhaps, “icky” is just your normal?

5. Constant posting of how great your life is… I don’t want to hear how great your life is ALL THE TIME.  If you are shuttling between the Cannes film festival and summers in Vermont, what are you doing friending with this poor schlub?  I am jealous of you.  Please don’t rub it in.

6. Give me daily biblical or other verses how to better myself; did it ever cross your mind I’m perfectly happy under-achieving?

7. Stop the noise.  If you play Farmville, Mafia Wars, and all the other stuff, that stuff gets hidden.  I spend a lot of time conjuring up nonsense.  I can’t possibly handle that and manage to get you three more nails for your barn.

8.  Lastly, if your posts that are funnier than mine, I hate you.

I am guilty of a couple of these from time to time.  You could add a 9) and a 10) for me for over-posting and over-posting pics of my kid, so I realize that this is ripe with hypocrisy…

Now go forth and post (responsibly).

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Carolyn permalink
    04/07/2010 5:27 pm

    I hate when people use a picture of their KID instead of their self for the profile pic. I mean, come on! You aren’t that fat!
    and I hate vague, illusive posts like” I’m really angry”. When readers ask “WHY?”
    they never reply!

  2. 04/07/2010 7:57 pm

    Had a girl post a sexy, sweaty cowboy with some obvious innuendo, while her 7-year-old daughter looked on from profile pic… creepy.

  3. 04/07/2010 8:04 pm

    How about the status, “such a great night at so-in-so fabulous party, loved seeing EVERYONE!” Opps how many people did that socially snub?

  4. 04/09/2010 9:30 am

    We were victims of that one… posting pics of the neighborhood b-day party to which Jack wasn’t invited.

  5. 04/09/2010 4:13 pm

    ohh… don’t you hate it when you make one innocuous comment on someone’s a) cute picture of kid b) happy birthday message or c) whatever pleasantry, and you are forever included in the string of niceties? After the 10th “how cute,” you want to strangle the kid/person/etc.

    Well, that never happens to me. You should be ashamed of yourself for agreeing with this purely hypothetical situation.

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